I never called her “Mom” in my story. She became “The Keeper” because she kept the rules, the keys, and the silence. Have you ever given someone in your life a secret name? A nickname that captured more than what they answered to? Sometimes these symbolic names hold power for us rather than giving power to those whom we’ve named. 

I chose symbolic naming in my book because I felt that the title of mom or mother would not evoke the same feelings that I experienced from her. She was not just my mother; she was the warden of my firmly structured prison. Other characters in the memoir have names that changed to capture how my perception of them changed as well. The power dynamic in these relationships is in the symbolism of their names. The Shapeshifter wasn’t just a man. He was every moment I twisted myself to be loved. Had I chosen their names or nicknames that weren’t symbolic, the story would have felt less like my perspective. 

The Keeper symbolized the control and domination that my mom held over me and my life, not just from childhood, but well beyond. The Silent Guardian/Lasher symbolized the relationship I had with my father and his role in the dynamics of our household, believing at first that he was my protector and later realizing he was the force behind the controller. The Shapeshifter has two names because his personality was as changeable as the name suggests. He wore masks to conceal himself and never really saw who I was. The Oak, my strong supportive grandfather, who I felt was steady and nonjudgmental, his love felt like the protective shelter of the oak tree’s canopy of leaves, I felt safe there.  The Curator, my grandmother, who kept everything in perfect images of what she wanted people to perceive her and her family as. Distant, and elegant, preserving image over connection, not the kindly woman you could turn to for comfort and cookies. 

Who in your life shaped you? Who tried to erase you? Who helped you bloom? Some titles that might resonate with you: 

The Gatekeeper

The Mirror

The Ghost

The Firestarter

The Lighthouse

You don’t have to share it with the world. But try naming them. What you uncover might surprise you. Naming helps us reclaim narrative authority. It allows us to tell the truth on our own terms. If you feel brave, share one of your symbolic names in the comments or tag me (@janetdaamit) on Instagram. I’d love to see the world through your words.

-Janet Topping, Author of Songs of Silence.